So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
