Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
