dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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