i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
