I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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