and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
