i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
