i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
