I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
