you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
is that a dick in a sweater?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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