Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
