i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
This girl is more easily done than said...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
