I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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