what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
