She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
