you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
