Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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