You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
