he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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