I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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