My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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