the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
