too bad you live with your parents still
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
