This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
