I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
