8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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