i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
