Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
