Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
