Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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