four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
