1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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