im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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