I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
