I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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