I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
