Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
