Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
nutella sex= disaster
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
