Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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