New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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