Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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