I will die if light touches me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
