butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
