We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Barsexuality is the new black.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
