I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
