Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
