My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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