just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
