can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Is it because I queefed?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
