I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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