Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
