just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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