the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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