i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
